Last week I ripped my shin doing 24″ box jumps. This happened around Minute Three of a 15 minute WOD. I’m actually not good with pain and the sight of blood makes me woozy, so after Coach bandaged me up, I decided to finish out the WOD minus the box jumps. But I felt guilty. Like, I’m a CrossFitter. My leg isn’t broken, so I can still jump. Then I felt guilty for feeling guilty. You idiot. You cut your shin wide open. Why would you feel guilty about avoiding the box right now? Oh, the conversations I have with myself…but that’s a whole ‘nother blog post.
I realize that I do this quite a bit. Feel guilty when things aren’t my fault but could have been.
1. When I call in sick to work and I’m actually sick. I find myself using the “sick voice” even though I already have a sick voice. I feel like I’m faking even though I’m not. It’s horrible. But if I’m actually playing hooky, I don’t feel as bad.
2. When my husband has a dream that I cheated on him. That is not my fault. In fact, occasionally I have dreams that don’t involve him and I’m fine with that. But if he has a dream where I’ve treated him badly, I actually have the feeling I did something wrong.
3. When someone tells me a secret and I hear that secret from someone else. I am really, really good at keeping secrets. As the Director of Finance, I am consistently burdened with confidential information, including conversations with my boss that start with, “And this is confidential…” And usually, I hear the contents of that conversation repeated by someone else. Unfortunately, I end up feeling like I betrayed someone’s trust even though I wasn’t the leak.
4. When I am on a diet and want to cheat. Sometimes I want to cheat so bad that I feel like I already cheated. Then I feel bad about cheating. Then I remind myself that I have not cheated and I feel really proud of myself. It’s a cycle.
5. When I smell a really bad fart. I always assume that everyone else who smells that fart will think it’s me. I very rarely fart. Seriously. When I blame it on the dog, 99% of the time, it is the dog. But I might as well take credit for every rogue fart I smell because I feel just as guilty as if it had come from me.
Do you do this?