My main goal for the 2015 CrossFit Open was to enjoy the process. To remember how far I’ve come in the past year. To see the looks of surprise on the faces of my friends as they exceeded their own expectations. To celebrate the life changes I’ve made since discovering CrossFit.
But in a couple of days Dave Castro will announce the final workout of the Open, and I feel regret tugging at my heart a bit.
I have achieved my goal. I have enjoyed the Open this year. When my grip left me in 15.1, I didn’t hang from the bar and cry. I hung from the bar and (not unlike a dying fish) kept flopping my legs up to the bar hoping for one more rep. Well, hope can only raise your butt so far (especially my butt), and I was underwhelmed with my score. But I reminded myself – I’m just here to have fun this year.
15.2 was better. Last year I struggled with the overhead squats and was only able to get one chest to bar pullup. This year the overhead squats were no problem, and I got through ten chest to bars. Solid proof of progress. And yet…I was left with the feeling that I was capable of more. So, I congratulated myself on my dazzling healthy attitude.
15.3 has been my favorite Open workout. In fact, it made me think that going scaled is a lot more fun than doing Rx. Those wallballs were the best I’ve ever done. And, honestly, it was a riot going back to singles. I’d forgotten how much I love jump roping. 200 singles unbroken? I felt pretty good about myself. I’d driven to the gym that morning certain I would get my first muscle up. Like – there was no doubt. I was just going to do it. And I didn’t even feel that bad when it didn’t happen. Because, you know…this year it’s all about feeling good, and I’m Rx’in that.
But Dave Castro is a bastard.
15.4. Really, Dave? Is that line truly necessary? Isn’t an arm lockout enough? Now we have to get our heels about a stupid LINE?!? Yeah, go to hell, Mr. Castro. One of my true strengths, the one movement that makes me cheer when I see it in a WOD – handstand push ups. Well, now it’s apparently a freakin’ weakness because I only got four in the whole 8 minutes.
I did not enjoy 15.4. I did not remind myself how far I’d come in the past year. I was not happy when others did well. They can suck it. And screw all my positive life changes.
I kicked a barbell. I punched an Abmat. I felt the tears threatening to spill. And I realized what I’d been missing during the Open.
Passion. Anger. Desire. Tears.
The Open is a five week period where it’s normal to be CrossFit-obsessed. It’s when things are serious. Hardcore. It’s an excuse to throw up your hands and say, “Talk to me in five weeks. I have the Open to think about right now.” It’s not a time to pat yourself on the back and be happy.
What was I thinking?!? Muscle ups! I didn’t even try! Will someone slap me? Seriously, couldn’t someone have pointed out to me that a positive mindset during the Open is just kind of a stupid idea?
I know I’m late, but the game has changed for 15.5. Whatever the workout is, I will call Dave Castro a bastard a minimum of 100 times. I will watch every YouTube video ever made about each of the movements (yeah, even a burpee). I will beat myself up for my sucky conditioning. I will question my dedication to this stupid sport. I will stomp my feet, kick things and cry.
And I will fall to the floor in a heap knowing I gave everything I had. Because I am what I am. And being my best obviously doesn’t involve good, healthy behavior.